Summary 

• Disappointment is inevitable and learning to deal with disappointment is part of a fulfilling life.
• Disappointment heightens your reaction to negative news, gives opportunities to learn and grow and makes a person stronger.
• Disappointments mean you have goals, and you are trying to achieve something.

Have you ever felt disappointed about something? Disappointment is inevitable and learning to deal with disappointment is part of a fulfilling life. How a person responds to disappointment is often influenced by their upbringing; some people try to avoid disappointment by setting their expectation unrealistically high and some avoid by setting their expectations permanently low. Disappointment is a tricky emotion to deal with, but difficult time and disappointment have positive sides too, disappointment heightens your reaction to negative news, gives opportunities to learn and grow and makes a person stronger.

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What Is Disappointment?

Disappointment can be defined as “defeated in expectation or hope”. You can be disappointed for many reasons and the feeling is generally associated with regret or sadness. The loss may be the loss of a loved one, maybe your relationship did not work out, maybe you did not pass a test, or you suffered a setback at the stock market.

People feel disappointed for many reasons and their reaction to disappointment depends on person to person.

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Managing Expectations

When we experience disappointment our hopes and expectations are not as per our plan. While some of these disappointments will not make much of a difference, some can change our way of living and our thoughts.

Some people try to deal with disappointment by becoming underachievers and giving up on the struggle. They unconsciously set the bar low and avoid taking risks, to prevent themselves from being disappointed. Such reactions turn into a form of self-preservation and leads to an unfulfilled and mediocre life. Ironically, such people often get depressed with their lives.

Many people try to avoid disappointment by becoming overachievers. They believe that their expectation of perfection is appropriate and realistic. But sometimes these presumptions do not work. The expectations are set too high, sometimes leading to major disappointment.

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So, a proper balance between underachievement and overachievement can lead to acquiring the inner strength to cope up constructively with the inevitable setbacks. These create a secure base and make you feel secured in your relationships, help you explore and learn more on their journey through life.

What does disappointment teach us

1. Makes you realistic: Unexpected events and disappointments help us to be more realistic and makes us learn from our mistakes and helps us to grow.
2. Opportunity for growth: When we feel disappointed, it means there is some problem in our framework of reality and disappointment helps us understand more about the world and correct our assumptions and makes us more knowledgeable and wiser. Going through difficult situations makes you stronger and tougher.
3. Appreciate good things: A life without any ups and downs is not complete or fulfilling. You will not have any scope of growth, learning, if you do not experience failure in life. So, if should appreciate even small things in life and feel positive about it.
4. Disappointment happens to passionate people: Disappointments mean you have goals, and you are trying to achieve something. So, if you fail once, if try again you may win.

Overcoming Disappointment

Disappointments are inevitable but there are always some keys to improve our ability to cope and bounce back quickly from the disappointments and frustrations.

1. Understanding the situation: It can seem like the biggest, most horrible thing that could possibly happen, but humans tend to dramatise. We need to acknowledge what has happened. Some situations are predictable and preventable, and some are unavoidable and beyond our control. We need to differentiate between the two situations. This will help us to deal with our frustrations more appropriately.

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2. Take a moment to… wallow: If you are feeling any emotions let it come out, you will find your sense of calm more easily if you allow yourself not to be calm for the initial shock and find a word how you feel.

3. Do a reality check: After calming down from a disappointment, step back and assess the situation. Feelings are real and are important to recognise, but thoughts are not always true. Try to look objectively at the situation and that would help you separate the facts from fiction and reduce negative self-talk and overthinking.

4. Check whether expectations are reasonable: Don’t expect too many things or absolutely negative things. Start to know what is good for you. If you don’t balance your expectations, ultimately you will be disappointed.

5. Don’t stew in negativity: Don’t let disappointment grow into stronger emotions such as anxiety, depression, demotivation and discouragement. The longer you get troubled in disappointment, the more difficult it will be to go through it and there will be greater chances of getting depressed. Look for ways to grow out of it and try to turn negative emotion into positive emotion.

6. Avoid anxious reactions by lowering stress: Try to involve yourself in constructive activities, such as meditation, exercise, walking, hobbies, listen to good music, watch good movies. Try to do new things every day that can keep you calmer.

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7. Put things in perspective: Our perspective or thoughts may differ from reality. Try to find something useful that we can be built up on. Also make attempts to see positive sides of things.

8. Try to take other’s reactions and opinions to heart: Every person has a unique perspective. Wise people don’t feel insulted or attacked when someone disagrees with them. Try to feel confident about your own perspective and be open to new ideas and facts.

9. Write down your distress: Journaling your thoughts, feelings, disappointments can help you deal with your emotions. It can help you eventually learn, grow, accept, and transform. Writing down can help in release pain and rebuild strength.

10. Think positive: Our brains are fundamentally wired to focus on the negatives in our lives. It is part of our self-care to look for potential threats around us. But if we are stuck focusing on negative things, we lose sight of what is right in our lives and the world around us. We should balance our thoughts and think positive.